back again analyzing my mistakes
SO I fell off the wagon in the worst way. While my husband was home I was okay, but as soon as he left I felt miserable, and turned to my good ol’ buddy food. But as I was doing this I was analyzing myself, I knew it was wrong but I just couldn’t care right then. So as I found myself sipping milk shakes, ordering baconators and scarfing pizza I asked myself why I found it so comforting. Might as well make it a learning experiance, right? My answer was that it wasn’t comforting at all, but that it kinda hurt, stuffing myself with all that food. It’s rebellious like “I can eat what I want”. It was kinda like a tantrum, like “If my husband has to be gone for nine months than I can have some damn alfredo sauce”! It was me trying to make one pain smudge out another. That has always been me. I’ve never really had anyone to share things with, or wait thats an excuse, really I just avoid sharing things with people, I just suck them up instead, but it’s just now that I’m really seeing the connection between this and my eating. But I’m back, and I’ve made myself a promise to stop destroying myself with food and held in emotions. I’m ready to get crackin again and to be more honest with myself and others. Well okay I’m done rambling.
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